One of the elements in the life of many actors, and other artists, is auditioning – and getting rejected.
Whether it’s feedback you have asked for, a remark from an audience or a ‘no’ at an audition, criticism and rejection are part of life for actors and performers.
Sandra Oh has commented about this:
“We actors, we’re a fragile bunch, and yet we need to be strong because 90% of our lives is rejection.
“You have to figure out what really is important.”
(From imdb – photo from Killing Eve, 2018)
Psychologist Mihaela Ivan Holtz works with creative people in TV/Film, performing and fine arts.
She writes about the emotional and creative pleasures of their inner life – and its challenges – on her site Creative Minds Psychotherapy.
In one of her articles on her site, she notes:
“Normal fears that took you to a painful emotional place as a child can hold you now hostage as an adult.
“These unhealed experiences of the past can turn your normal and everyday fears into unhealthy fears that control you.
“Fear of failing, fear of rejection, fear of being shamed… they are all normal fears that can interfere with your creativity when they are turned from normal into paralyzing fears, freezing instead of energizing your creativity.”
But, she adds, “you can find comfort in your fears, connect with your courage, and reclaim your creativity.”
From Creativity is Courage! by Mihaela Ivan Holtz.
Jessica Chastain, even after graduating from Juilliard, “was auditioning 6 times a day, and not booking a single thing,” an article notes.
“I would go to movement class every day. I found a donation-based yoga studio because I had no money and did yoga every day.
“I would go to the public library and research plays…. If you don’t show up prepared, that’s it.
“This isn’t the kind of business where if you mess up many times they’ll still cast you.
“If you do something every single day that makes you an actor, you are an actor.”
Jon Hamm talked about the kind of critical inner voice we may experience before even attempting to get cast for a role
This inner critic can show up when we try to get a music gig, a book deal, magazine writing assignment – there are different sorts of auditions for creative people.
Hamm said “I knew that I had some sort of baseline of talent, ability, and chutzpah and confidence.
“But then knowing how to get anyone to pay attention is the big mystery.
“So I just kept auditioning. I kept showing up and I kept trying.
“And I kept trying to push down the voice that was saying, ‘You’re terrible. Someone’s better than you.
“They’re going to give the part to the other guy.’ And elevate the part of me that said, like, ‘You’re worth it. You should be here.’”
Quotes by Jessica Chastain and Jon Hamm are from article How to Deal with Rejection as an Actor by Indiana Kwong, Stage Milk Oct 12 2017.
Claire Danes on wanting acceptance
Danes admits that when she was growing up, she “wanted desperately to please, to be a good girl. I wanted acceptance. I still do.”
Like many artists, she sought acceptance in renown:
“A part of me desired fame because I associated it with love.
“That was a total mistake. Fame doesn’t end loneliness… I chose a public role, and it’s illusory to think that fame immunizes you from rejection.
“Famous or not, you can still feel invalid and unloved.”
Acting, she has found, has other payoffs.
“We’re all on an emotional journey with each other. And the point of acting is to share, to connect.
“That’s why I act. Acting is the greatest answer to my loneliness that I have found.” [Parade mag. Oct 2, 2005.]
Danes has also brought attention to the issue of body shaming in the media – another source of feelings of rejection.
Another magazine reports that “she told People that she thought she and her good friend Lena Dunham were ‘criticized for having different body types—I was too skinny, and she was too big…. I feel like my body is…commented on infinitely more than my male counterpart.’
“It’s just so ingrained in us, the idea that we should take up the right amount of space, literally and figuratively,” Danes says.
“I’ve wrestled with this my whole life, as just a person in the world and as somebody who makes images. It’s OK to want to look and feel your best. It’s OK to work at being attractive, whatever that means to you.
“And it’s also OK to not expect to be defined by that. It’s OK to be powerful in every way: to be big, to take up space. To breathe and thrive.”
From Claire Danes’s Explanation of Body Shaming in Hollywood Is Refreshing by Brooke Hauser, Allure, November 16, 2015.
Dealing with criticism
In her article 10 Tools for Dealing with Criticism and Rejection, writer and coach Linda Dessau notes:
“Whether it’s feedback we’ve asked for, an unsolicited remark called out from the audience or a simple ‘no’ result of an audition or submission process, criticism and rejection are a huge part of our lives as creative artists.
“Sometimes we’re so fearful of being criticized or rejected that we keep our creativity bottled up and don’t let it out.”
Discouraged from trying
But discouragement may come from other people in entertainment who really should be more supportive.
In her Talk Back post, “Only Serious Actors Need Apply” (BackStage Jul 27-Aug 2, 2006), actor, writer, comedian and filmmaker Maria Menozzi noted that casting directors, teachers and even fellow actors are often negative about pursuing the dream to be an actor.
“This is the only business I know of in which people are outright discouraged from trying or continuing,” she wrote. “I have spent thousands of dollars on classes, coaching, workshops, pictures…
“I’ve been rejected, rejected, refused, and ignored – and did I mention rejected? But I have persisted, practiced, and persevered… I am an actor, and I plan on stickin’ it out for quite some time.”
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Being aware of negative messages – from both others and ourselves – plus being careful to keep encouraging a healthy self concept are among the ways to stay resilient, so rejection does not have to be so crippling or corrosive.
Related article: Rejection – does it defeat you or fuel you?
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